BattleBlock Theater Review

BattleBlock Theater

Publisher: Microsoft Developer: The Behemoth Platform: Xbox 360 Release: 2013 Players: 1-2 (Story), 1-4 (Arena) Genre: 2D Platformer / Puzzle Rating: 8.8 / 10.0: Fantastic

Above are two players "working together".

I'm not a huge fan of brawler games, but Castle Crashers ended up becoming my favorite original title on Xbox Live Arcade. When I found out that The Behemoth, the indie developer behind that magnificent built-for-co-op adventure, had made a platformer, I was very excited. They had managed to make me love a game from a genre I didn't necessarily enjoy-- So what happens when they make my all-time favorite type of game? You get a platformer jam-packed with content and clever puzzles that is worthy of being considered the funniest game ever made.

You'll have a smile on your face from the second the opening cinematic begins, as nearly all of the cut-scenes are shown in stick-puppet style. It all begins with a group of friends onboard the S.S. Friend Ship. They are led by Hatty Hattington, cube-headed, top hat wearing best friend to one and all. A sudden storm shakes the ship, and causes it to crash into a mysterious island. This scene is made all the more hilarious by the hilarious exaggerated narration that includes poor mimicry and onomatopoeia. If you wish, the narrator will accompany your journey with his ridiculous commentary. I instantly went to the settings to crank him up to "Blabbermouth" so I could hear a wisecrack after whatever I did. His lines range from a dramatic exclamation of "Oh my goodness gracious!" to the condescending "That was ... something.", among many more. He's also a random riot during the cut scenes, with one of my all time favorite lines in gaming history being "... or will the sounds of your hilarious death screams be drowned out by the sounds of your own hilarious death screams?", though his over the top metaphors and cut-off profanities also steal the show. The writers of this game are as brilliantly stupid (and stupidly brilliant) as Paper Mario's US localization team, an impressive feat in my opinion.

After platforming your way through a few bloodstained, feline-infested rooms of a run-down building, you come across Hatty, who is having a top hat forced onto his head by cats. This classy headwear appears to possess Hatty, who proceeds to imprison you and the rest of your pals. As it turns out, this place is a prison / theater run by cats, where the captives are forced to complete deadly obstacle courses devised by Hatty for the amusement of the fiendish felines.

Now to get onto the gameplay; BattleBlock Theater borrows many elements from the PDA Games minigame from Alien Hominid, the developer's Metal Slug-inspired debut. Both are puzzle-platformers that require you to collect gems to open the stage exits, and also both have multi-jumping and crouching. The PDA Games theme will occasionally play in the background as a pleasant nod to the minigame. In order to unlock the exit to a stage, you must collect at least three of the handful of gems hidden in each stage. Once you've won, you'll receive a grade based on the number of gems you collected, how many times you died, and your time. If you wish to receive an A++ grade and a hilarious comment from the announcer, you must collect five to seven of the gems (this varies by level), the hidden golden ball of yarn, get an excellent time, and die as little as possible. Doing this earns you an extra two gems, and pulling off a perfect ranking is a huge challenge later in the game. The stage design is wonderfully clever, sprinkling clever death traps, light puzzles, and hidden passages everywhere.

Gems and yearn can be redeemed at the gift shop located in each chapter. The gems are used to free prisoners from vending machines (hence why the game refers to the prisoners as "souvenirs") allowing you to play as them. The characters all play the same, but their heads are all quite unique, and you're likely to find a head you like. You can exchange five balls of yarn for a new weapon at the black market on the top floor of the gift shop. Near this shop are a pair of trading posts where you and your fellow players can exchange heads, gems, and yarn. If you're feeling generous, you can allow the other player to give up nothing in return for your offer. Your customizable prisoner has a diverse moveset-- you can double-jump, press B to use your weapon or punch when at close range, press X while running to perform a slide that can knock back objects like balls and grenades, and many other tactics. Once you get the hang of things, this game has an incredibly smooth flow. It's hard to explain, the platforming just feels so natural when you're performing well. Completing the last few chapters of the game will require  mastery of these skills (especially double-jumping and wall-jumping) and a solid understanding of how how the many different blocks that make up the levels function, hence the title.

Battleblock Theater is a blast solo, but I adore this game's co-op mode. I had as much fun with one friend than I did with three in Castle Crashers. When a buddy tags along, the level layouts are modified to make teamwork necessary. You'll be tossing your partner across pits of spikes and boosting them up to high ledges, hoping they won't leave you for dead rather holding RT to pull you up. If the former occurs, than you can use your weapon to get even when you respawn at your last checkpoint. Believe me when I say that even the best of friends will likely kill each other at least a few times out of spite and dozens of times by accident. You even receive an achievement worth five Gamerscore for killing your partner 50 times!

There's far more to this game than the already fun story mode; Castle Crasher's Arena mode was a blast to play with buddies, but there wasn't much variety. There are tons of multiplayer modes to enjoy in this title's Arena. My favorite of these include Muckle, a 2D deathmatch without the firearms; Capture the Horse, a take on CTF in which you must ride the opposing team's cube with legs that is apparently a horse to your side for map; and Color the World, a mode that has you running around to paint as much of the area as possible with your team's color (It feels a lot like a 2D version of Splatoon's Turf War mode. Given that this game was released first, I can only assume that someone at Nintendo has been playing their share of indie platformers...). This game also has one of my favorite level design modes of all time. As the announcer says in the hysterical trailer, "If you don't like our stuff, shut, up, do better!" The game really means this, as you are given tons of customization options for your stages. You can select the dimensions and color scheme, and you're not even limited to making standard levels. You can make your own multiplayer maps for any of the modes. I usually choose to go with the original collect-the-gems format (or in this case, strawberries). Your levels can be sorted into playlists, so you can put all your stages of a certain theme together. You are also able to upload your levels to Furbottom's Features, where you can play and rate tons of other user-generated stages and playlists that can also be enjoyed with a partner. As for the main adventure, I strongly recommend bringing a friend.

One quibble I have is that some of the songs in the game's randomized soundtrack can get annoying and dull after repetition, while most are catchy.T his game's main issue is how frustrating many levels are, especially when under the pressure of a time limit; my controller managed to emerge unscathed several times the game's final act caused me to channel my rage towards it, but others may not have been so lucky. Additionally c ompletionists will have as much difficulty getting an A++ grade on every stage as getting every gem in the first Crash Bandicoot -- anyone how has attempted the latter will be turned off by this. There are many instances where you must take you time, but doing so will prevent you from earning the time stamp on your report card, as well as your perfect score. To complicate things further, you'll technically need to perfect the game both alone and cooperatively on Normal mode and Insane mode. This brings me to my final  complaint: There's no endgame bonus. In Castle Crashers, those who slayed the evil wizard were rewarded with Insane mode. Since both difficulties are unlocked from the start in this game, your only motivation for finishing this difficult quest, aside from satisfaction, is to see the both depressing and hilarious conclusion. Overall, there's little reason not to play BattleBlock Theater if you enjoyed The Behemoth's previous works. The company's signature charming art style, mixture of dark and crude humor, and co-op fun are all present. There's much to enjoy whether you're solo or not, but prepare to throw your controller a few times if no friend is present.

This game is also available on Xbox One and PC (via Steam)

The System Difference: While I haven't played the Steam edition of Battleblock Theater, its  incredibly funny trailers imply that its console counterpart is inferior. PC users are able to switch between two weapons and fight the new cat guard enemies, but for those who don't have a computer that can handle "1,000,000,00p resolution, "super texture technolgy that the human eye can't even see", and "framerates of up 21,000 frames per millisecond" (according to the trailer), the 360 version is just fine. Unfortunately for PS3 owners, BBT has not had an improved rerelease on the PlayStation Network store as Castle Crashers did.

ESRB: T Content: Blood, Crude Humor, and Violence Price: $14.99 (Download)

Super Smash Bros. for Wii U Review

Super Smash Bros. for Wii U

Publisher: Nintendo Developer: Sora / Namco Bandai Platform: Wii U Release: 2014 Players: 1-8 (Local), 1-4 (Online) Genre: 2D Fighting / 2D Platformer Rating: 9.6 / 10.0: Masterful


From the moment Nintendo 64 owners heard Xander Mobus bellow the words "Super... smaaaaash brotherrrrrsss!" upon booting up the game of the same name, they knew they were in for something great. A little over 15 years and a handful of spectacular sequels later, along has come what is arguably one of the greatest video games ever released. While Super Smash Bros.' 3DS iteration was one of the best reasons to own the handheld, but due to it's lack of features previously present in the series such as an animated intro, Tourney mode, Events, and a stage builder, it felt like a glimpse of what was to come with the upcoming Wii U release. The 3DS game kept Smash fanatics busy for the following month, but they all knew that this was the true game they were waiting for that was nearly seven years in the making. Was it all worth the wait? When I popped this disk into my Wii U and was treated to a beautiful opening cut scene, that question became rhetorical.

Something you will notice fairly quickly is that pretty much everything the 3DS edition lacked from previous SSB games has returned, upping the replay value by a fair amount. If you were disappointed by the missing modes in the handheld game (if you played it), than you can rejoice at the return of most aforementioned exclusions. Also, nametags. Don't tell me giving yourself an immature name that results in groans from your pals isn't fun. While these are meaningful features, you'll be spending most of your time with the chaotic local brawls. While the 3DS version had stages based more on handheld titles, the battlegrounds here are console game-oriented, or replace stages based on the same series. Rather than Reset Bomb Fortress (Kid Icarus), there's Palutena's Temple. Instead of Saffron City (Pokémon), there's Kalos Pokémon League.

If you owned the 3DS game, you will notice fairly quickly that there is no Smash Run mode. While this was a fun and addictive addition, it has been substituted here by Smash Tour. This is a Mario Party-style game in which you travel roll a dice (sort of) and travel around the board of your choice as your Mii, collecting stat boosts, items, and fighters as you go. When two players collide, a battle is initiated. Here, you'll use the fighters you've acquired, making this mode a great way to hone your skills with a character without doing training mode. The winner of the fight receives a generous reward. When there are no turns left, a stock battle occurs in which the last person with fighters remaining is the victor.

As you play through the single player modes, you'll earn tickets. These can be used to play the Crazy Orders and Special Orders modes. In these games, you're given a time limit to face fighters and earn coins, custom moves, stat badges, Mii Fighter clothing, and other goodies. When you think you're ready or when time is up, you can face either Master Hand or Crazy Hand (this depends on which variant of the mode you are playing) to make the loot yours-- if you win, of course.

SSB Wii U is the flagship title for Nintendo's new Amiibo figurines, the company's take on toys-come-to-life gaming popularized by Skylanders and Disney Infinity games. When you place a new Nintendo character toy onto the Wii U Gamepad, you will be asked the customize it. Choose its outfit's color scheme, give it a name, then ... feed it equipment. These aren't limited to three stat badges like normal custom fighters-- instead, they gobble up (off screen) any number of badges. You could just go ahead and stuff your Amiibo with all your equipment, or balance out its stats until you are satisfied. You can then proceed to place to level up your FP (Figure Player) by battling it, all the way 'till it gets to level 50. The higher its level, the more skilled it becomes. The figure can go from being destroyed by you to become the destroyer in just a few hours of dedicated training . It can even adapt to your moveset and develop its own habits. It's always fun to play a one-on-one match teaching your Amiibo a specific tactic. Amiibo support has since been added to the  3DS entry, but the figurines are compatible only with the New 3DS mode unless you purchase an adapter. Additionally, DLC has been added to Smash for the first time. Extra fighters, stages, and Mii Fighter outfits are available, and Nintendo is listening to the fans. There are online ballots for potential DLC characters (they must be video game characters, so sorry, Dragonball fans, but it will be over 9,000 years before Nintendo listens to your cries of "Goku for Smash!"), and I was pleasantly surprised to see stage ideas from the magazine Game Informer make their way into game. However, I am annoyed by how overpowered some of the DLC characters are -- Ryu and Mewtoo specifically. I guess you can say Smash, in away, has become a pay-to-win game (I'm joking of course).

While the series' previous console iterartion had tons of controller options, this game has even more! You can use a sideways Wii Remote, a Wii Remote and Nunchuck combo (my personal favorite), the Wii U GamePad, a Wii Classic Controller, a Wii U Pro Controller and diehard fans of Melee can now get their hands on the GameCube controller adapter! I haven't yet mentioned the marvels that are this game's graphics and soundtrack. While Super Smash Bros. Brawl (which it is your duty as a gamer to play) opted for a dark and gritty visual style, SSB4 return to Melee's vibrant and colorful aesthetic, making this a treat for the eyes. Additionally, I was blown away by the size of this game's 490 track musical score, a number that may increase. This dwarfs Brawl's already astounding 267 songs as well the 3DS version's still-impressive 127. However, I can't notice a few tweaks to the soundtrack from the other addition involving a few of my favorite songs. I don't really mind that the beautiful guitar remix of the Gerudo Valley theme was replaced by the original composition. I do mind that the awesome horn and electric guitar version of the Punch Out! Circuit theme from the series' Wii reboot was substituted by a generic rearrangement that can't even hold a candle to the original chiptune. My final complaint is that the issues with online play in the handheld game have not been addressed. There's just as much lag and games that are forcibly ended, possibly more so than in the other version. Overall, most of the issues I faced were only nitpicks and I still didn't have many of those. If you own a Wii U, than you absolutely must own this game. This is a masterpiece that any fan of Nintendo must play.

Ups
Years of replay value
8-Player Smash
Massive roster
Amiibo training is great fun
Missing features return
Online character ballot
Tons of controller options

Downs
Overpowered DLC characters
Smash Run substituted
Online connectivity as bad as ever

ESRB: E 10+ Content: Cartoon Mischief, Cartoon Violence, and Mild Suggestive Themes Price: $59.99 (Retail / Download)

Masterpiece Collection

MASTERPIECE COLLECTION

There are good games, then there are great games, then there are games that you have no excuse but a tight budget not to own. Here is a list of links to every review with a score of 9.5 or higher. If I ever play a game of such quality, I will almost certainly review it.

New Super Mario Bros. - An amazing reboot of Mario side-scrollers that reminds us why we still love the portly plumber - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/02/new-super-mario-bros-ds-review.html\

Super Mario Galaxy - A beautiful, innovative, and straight up magnificent platformer deserving of its astounding 97.64% average score and number one spot overall on GameRankings - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/02/super-mario-galaxy-review.html

Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Argue about the  SSB's right to be considered a fighter, but you can't deny that it's a loving tribute to Nintendo's history that's packed with months worth of content that's perfect for having loads of multiplayer fun at the expense of your friendships - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/03/super-smash-bros-brawl-review.html

Super Mario Galaxy 2 - Despite having an inferior plot, this game is superior to its already amazing predecessor in nearly every way, and it's my favorite game of all time - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/03/super-mario-galaxy-2-review.html



Super Scribblenauts - A brilliant and challenging puzzle game that allows you to create anything (even with adjectives!) and solve everything - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/03/superscribblenauts-publisher-warner.html

Super Mario 3D Land - A wonderful blend of nostalgia, innovation, and the signature charm of the gaming's biggest franchise - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/03/super-mario-3d-land-review.html

New Super Mario Bros. Wii - A marvelous 2D platformer that's a blast whether you play alone or engage in chaotic co-op with up to three friends - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/05/new-super-mario-bros-wii-review.html

Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga - An incredibly fun and loyal brick-ification of the beloved sci-fi film franchise that's sprinkled with silliness and has loads of replay value - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2012/06/lego-star-wars-complete-saga-review.html

Minecraft - A sandbox sensation which allows you to assemble whatever structure you please or survive in a massive land of pixelated cubes -  http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2013/01/minecraft-review.html

Super Mario 3D World - Bring some buddies along and play through beautiful and bursting with fun high-def levels with some fun new power ups - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2013/12/super-mario-3d-world-review.html

Super Smash Bros. for Wii U - The dozens of new additions, both tiny and, major, make the long wait for this sequel entirely worth it. This will be a go-to party game for years to come - http://toldyousovideogamereviews.blogspot.com/2015/10/super-smash-bros-for-wii-u-review.html

Told You So Scoring System

Told So Scoring System

I already made a list like this on my site's sidebar, but here is a much more descriptive version of my review system.

I rate the games I review on a scale of 0.1 to 10.0. Each score range has a corresponding rank. Here is a list of the scores and their ranks, along with a description to go along with them.

SCORE -- RANK
0.1-0.9 --- Beyond Bad

This game is so bad, it is literally worse than bad. Nothing is good about this game, nor is there anything promising about it. A game of such poor quality is likely near-unplayable due to countless bugs and a frustrating control scheme.

1.0-3.9 --- Awful

Just horrible. The game may have potential, but it is impossible to overlook how unpleasant it is to play.

4.0-4.9 --- Bad

This game may have a couple fun moments, but that's where the good things end. It's just too bland and unenjoyable.

5.0-5.9 --- Mediocre

This is a subpar game. It definitely has some promise, but there's about an equal level of entertainment and buggy blandness. You'll have some fun, but be will be disappointed.

6.0-6.9 --- Okay

There's definitely some fun to be had here, but there are also a good deal of flaws. This game is enjoyable, but you'll need to ignore the issues to truly like it.

7.0-7.4 --- Good

This is a game that is fun most of the time, but has its share of flaws. It may not captivate you for very long due to the issues that are present, but it will be fun while it lasts.

7.5-7.9 --- Satisfactory

There are some issues, a couple of which may be major, but there's enough entertainment to make you want to come back.

8.0-8.4 --- Great

Although very entertaining, there will definitely be some problems you have with this title. It's unlikely that there's more than one issue that could be considered major, and you'll still have a lot of fun with this game.

8.5-8.9 --- Fantastic

Tons of fun with a few flaws that can be overlooked. This game may not be perfect, but it's pretty darn good even though there's a handful of small issues.

9.0-9.4 --- Excellent

An amazing title. There are some issues, some of which are noticeable. There's far more good than bad, though, and this is a game that can very easily be enjoyed.

9.5-9.9 --- Masterful

A masterpiece of a game more than worthy of your time. Any issues are very small do incredibly little to deduct from the experience.

10.0 ------- Perfect

Simply perfect. A game worthy to be considered one of the greatest ever made. If there are any flaws, they are so hard to notice that you won't care one bit.

The score of the games I review is based on several factors.

Visuals

Essentially how good a game looks. If a modern game has pixelated or hand-drawn visuals, this factor's power is based on the level of charm. I base the graphical appeal of old games off of how good the games looked at the time of their release. This aspect of the game is less effective if there are blurry textures or pop-up.

Audio

How do the music and sound effects hold up? I base the effectiveness of this factor off of how realistic or fun to hear the sound effects are and how memorable the music is, if there is any.

Playability

Is the control scheme easy to understand, and how long does it take the learn the basics of the game? Games with steep learning curves can still far well, but you won't enjoy them if you have a fairly short attention span.

Replay Value

Will this game keep you coming back for more, and how long does it take to complete? A game needs entertaining distractions from the main attraction for this factor to fare well.

Fun Factor

This important thing of all is the overall entertainment. How fun a game is to play matters more than everything else on this list. It takes more than beautiful visuals and amazing music to make a great video game. What's the point of playing if you're not having a good time?

Castle Crashers Review

Castle Crashers

Publisher: Microsoft Developer: The Behemoth Platform: Xbox 360 Release: 2008 Players: 1-4 Genre: Brawler / RPG Rating: 8.7 / 10.0: Fantastic

Above is a group of players battling barbarians.

Back in 2008, indie games had only recently been rising to popularity, and Microsoft's Xbox Live Arcade housed some fantastic individually-developed titles. Microsoft decided to publish The Behemoth's second game, Castle Crashers, the hilarious, hand-drawn hack-and-slash adventure that has since become the eleventh most downloaded title on the Xbox 360. The story begins when the knight of your choice is partying in a castle. Suddenly, an evil wizard and his army of goblins steal a magic crystal and kidnap four princesses. Due to the main characters never speaking, this cannot be explained. That's even more vague than a Mario game's story, but this is entirely overshadowed by the incredibly fun gameplay and abundant humor.

This may be a beat-'em-up game, but the combat doesn't feel repetitive, as there are tons of combos to learn and weapons to acquire. In addition to your primary and sub-weapons, you will also eventually a acquire an Animal Orb. These adorable floating pets all have a unique ability. Scratchpaw the tiger, for example, increases your strength and agility, and Bitey Bat occasionally nibbles on the noggins of your foes. Adding to the depth of the battles are the magic attacks. These attacks vary based on the element your character wields-- red knight uses lightning, orange uses fire, green uses poison, and blue uses ice. As you upgrade your magic statistic, you unlock new moves.  You can use your magical move set by holding the right trigger. You can't just use an endless stream of poison bursts or fireballs-- your magic use is limited by a meter that slowly refills after being used, much like in the Zelda series. Every time you level up, you are given skill points to assign to statistics once you return to the map. You can upgrade your strength, magic, defense, and agility. You make a magic-oriented fire knight like my brother, or a balanced lightning knight like me. Each stat can be upgraded up to 24 times, so it will take you awhile to max out your stats. If you think you made the wrong character choice or have maxed out, you are able to restart from square one as any other knight or secret character.

As I stated earlier, Castle Crashers is chock-full of humor. One moment, you'll be leaping over logs on a baby a deer that is endlessly streaming droppings behind it, and the next moment you'll be in a river battling a massive, hairball-spewing "catfish" with a cat's head while you're either riding a fish or dinosaur or standing atop a log, wheel, or dead bandit. I'm not joking when I say that, and every aspect of the game from the locales to the boss battles is laughter-inducing. My favorite touch is that if you rescue a princess while playing with other people, you all must fight to the death over who she kisses. The humor, as well as the abundant cartoonish gore stand out even more due to The Behemoth (as well as popular Flash content-based website Newgrounds) founder Dan Paladin's charming and vibrant hand-drawing art style that wouldn't be out of place in a wacky so-stupid-it's-funny cartoon. You will traverse a large map as you progress. You can not only access stages from here, but also visit shop, PvP arenas, or the blacksmith. This is a game that is fun no matter what, but it is pretty much meant to be played with friends. So far have I've hardly played without my brother or friends by my side. As a solo experience, the game is still fun, but extremely difficult, especially during the boss battles.

One of my favorite aspects of cooperative play is the revive system. If your pal goes down, you are able to use CPR to revive them. While performing this, a gauge will be displayed above your fallen comrade displaying a heart in the center and a moving white vertical line. In order to restore to most health possible, you must press Y when the line is in the center. There can be issues when trying to revive your buddy. For example, my brother was once killed by a spiked crusher in a factory stage, and my friend and I were unable to even ineffectively revive him before a spiky mass fell on our heads. We had to continue without him, and soon died as well. Additionally, your friends may force you to rush the revive so they can join in on battle, than once again die. The main problem I have with the story mode is that if you get stuck for a long time on one stage, you have no choice to resort to-- ugh-- grinding to be able to power through. Additionally, there are several minor bugs such as a character freezing or you being teleported into a foe's arms after interrupting a grab animation. Another small quibble is that no two players can select the same character. This usually isn't an issue, but it can be incredibly irritating when playing online with random people. Is it really fair that your only good character is a level 35 blue knight, but your friend picked his level 12 blue knight first? The main adventure is fantastic, but there's even more to the game. There are two other modes-- the Arena, and All You Can Quaff. In the Arena, you can face hordes of monsters independently. If you have friends with you, you can select your teams and partake in Melee. a battle to the death in which you are able to use all combos and magic attacks; Quickdraw, a bows-only battle in which you speed up as you collect flaming arrows; and Treasure. Here, you are given only a shovel to dig up gold and gems, which dishes out damage to your foes. You will eventually unlock Beefy, in which you can only attack your enemies only by snatching a Behemoth, the developer's surprisingly small chicken mascot, transforming you into a massive muscular murderer. All You Can Quaff is an eating competition in which you must rapidly mash the X and Y buttons to consume food faster than your pals and computer-controlled opponents. If you don't mind getting blisters, you won't mind playing consecutive rounds of this, but it's fun the first time around. I also adore the splendid soundtrack by a wide array of artists that blends orchestrated pieces with zany and intense techno tunes. All of these modes can be enjoyed via Xbox Live, though the aforementioned character restrictions are a more prominent issue. Castle Crashers is incredibly entertaining, but I recommend bringing along some friends to make the most out of this title. This is a game that strongly deserves a place in any Xbox 360 owner's digital library.

Ups
Varied combat
Very humorous
Charming hand-drawn visuals
Game can be replayed with all characters
Four player co-op
Revival system
Additional modes
Splendid soundtrack

Downs
Extremely vague story
Grinding sometimes necessary to improve
Reviving can sometimes be impossible
Only one player can use each character
Mildly buggy

This game is also available on Xbox One, PlayStation 3, and PC (via Steam)

The System Difference: You can purchase both the original and remastered version of this game on Xbox One. The remaster runs at 60 FPS and replaces All You Can Quaff with the much more entertaining Back Off Barbarian mode in which you press the face buttons to move across a map while avoiding barbarians. The PC version also has this mode. I only briefly played the game on PS3, but I found the volleyball mode that replaced All You Can Quaff to be incredibly fun. On Xbox One, PS3, and PC, you can unlock characters that were DLC on 360 via Insane mode.

ESRB: T Content: Blood & Gore, Cartoon Violence, and Crude Humor (PARENTAL WARNING: This game contains large amounts of animated blood) Price: $14.99 (Download)

Goat Simulator Review

Goat Simulator

Publisher: Coffee Stain Studios Developer: Coffee Stain Studios Platform: iOS Release: 2014 Players: 1 Genre: Sandbox / Action Rating: 8.5 \ 10.0: Fantastic

Above is the result of the goat latching its tongue to a car.

Goat Simulator sounds, with all due respect, like a boring Farming Simulator expansion, but it's actually probably the most hilarious sandbox game you'll ever play. This is a port of the popular but critically disliked PC game which has removed the original version's inappropriate content. The developers claim that this is a "small, broken, and stupid game", but this is to imply how funny this game is. The concept is ridiculous-- you, playing as an invincible goat, wreak mayhem upon small cities through the use of head-butting, your adhesive tongue, various supernatural powers, and extremely glitchy physics. The main noticeable difference in this mobile port is the graphical downgrade. The other version of the game takes up only a few dozen more megabytes, so I don't get why the visuals here look like they were rendered on a PS2 and suffer from pop-up.When you boot up the game and press the play button, you are asked to choose from one of two maps to play. Each map has a large set of trophies to collect, secrets to discover, and goats to unlock. That's right-- as if being a normal goat wasn't cool enough, you are also able to become a giraffe, an ostrich, a penguin, a whale, a robot, a giraffe-like alien, or another type of goat. Humorously, the other animals are named as goats (the giraffe is "tall goat", the penguin is "classy goat", etc.). Goat Simulator is all about asking questions and getting answers the glitchy and funny way. Questions I've asked myself include "What happens if I drag that guy onto a treadmill?" "What happens if I strap a pitching machine to myself, then stick my tongue to a grill?", and my all-time favorite: "What happens if I stick my tongue to a rollercoaster cart?" Every experiment you make is bound to at least garner some chuckles. The funniest events usually occur unintentionally, such as when I headbutted some guy and sent him hurtling into a gas tank, causing collateral damage and also setting him aflame. Since the bystanders are as resistant to injury as you, they're pretty much punching bags. If there's ever moment you just don't want to end, tap the slow-motion button, and laugh hysterically you soar through the air along with a group of now flaming people, exploded gas tank behind you. When you've gotten sick of wrecking people's houses, blowing up cars, and stealing knocking chip bags and bottles off store shelves (don't be surprised if you think you see a bag of Doritos or a bottle of Coke), there are plenty of side attractions. If you're in Goatville, I recommend wrecking Coffee Stain Studio's office where you can play a Flappy Bird parody starring a goat, infiltrating the low-gravity testing facility (accessing this area without glitches involves a Mario reference, unlike the other version), or fighting goats in the arena (now you get a crown for winning the title bout!). Goat City Bay offers even more fun, with attractions including an amusement park, a playable Steamworld Dig parody, and a party on the roof of a hotel DJ'd by the one and only Deadmau5. When on the roof, Deadmau's unreleased song "Petting Zoo" plays. These are only the most notable features, but there are tons of more pleasant surprises in both maps. If you enter the sewer in Goat City Bay, you can find a group of four turtle-people that look like a combination of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Shrek. It's pleasantly surprising and very satisfying to discover a secret or pop-culture reference. One of my favorite features is the ability to record your session and upload it to Kamcord or a social media app. When a PC or mobile game is ported to mobile devices, controls are always a concern. This game's touch controls are responsive and easy to use. Like nearly every mobile port of a PC hit, there is content from the original version that is not present in this edition. The deductions are mainly goats and hidden trophies, so it's hard to care, but the inability to download user-submitted maps and goat mutators like on PC, while understandable, was disappointing. Additionally, the maps have been tweaked in ways both noticeable and irrelevant. For example, a train track replaces the low-gravity testing facility in Goatville, and now can be accessed via a green pipe that wouldn't be out of place in a Mario game. Another change is that the cliffside in Goat City Bay has been removed. To make up for this, there is a new goat exclusive to this edition: the Anti-Gravity Goat. It was awesome enough to deck out my goat with a glass dome helmet and purple boots, but nothing beats watching a mess of furniture float around a living room, further ruining a guy's day by headbutting him in low gravity, than turning it off, or  or completing all the air height and airtime-based objectives with a single jump. Another issue is the lack of multiplayer. The computer version did offer split-screen multiplayer to anyone with a controller, and I would like to see GameCenter, Bluetooth, or online multiplayer added to this game eventually. As I mentioned earlier, the game is incredibly buggy. While the game occasionally crashes, it's fun to watch the goat's head spazz out when it's against a wall, and it's straight up hilarious to watch the goat glitchily jerk across the screen in a stretched-out mess. It has even been said by Coffee Stain that glitches are an integral part of the experience. The game gets boring after you've wrecked everything, but I can think of no better way to kill a couple hours. This game may be broken and stupid, but I had a great time playing it.

Ups
Stupidest, therefore greatest concept ever
"Experimentation" is hilarious
The funniest occurrences are unintentional
Slow-mo button
Tons of pop culture references
Glitchy physics
New goats
Great way to kill a couple hours
You're a goat!

Downs
Downgraded visuals
Occasionally crashes
Missing some content from original version
Boring once everything has been wrecked

ESRB: T Content: Violence Price: $4.99 (Download)

3rd Anniversary Post

It's Told You So Review's 3rd Birthday!

I'm publishing this post in celebration of my blog's third, albeit belated anniversary! Since the day I created this blog, I've published 90 posts, received 15,283 pageviews, received 105 comments (my replies among them), and been followed by 11 people (my two Google accounts included)! This was my most prosperous year yet, as I added tons of sections, I posted more reviews than in any other year, and my number of views practically doubled! Be sure to keep commenting and checking out my blog, and maybe become a follower! Thanks!

Super Smash Bros. for 3DS Review

Super Smash Bros. for 3DS

Publisher: Nintendo Developer: Sora / Namco Bandai Platform: 3DS Players: 1 (Solo), 1-4 (Group), 2 or 4 (Online) Release: 2014 Genre: 2D Fighter / 2D Platformer Rating: 9.3 \ 10.0: Excellent

Above are four players battling on the Paper Mario stage.

I have been waiting quite awhile for a new Super Smash Bros. game. In fact, I listed "Too long a wait for the sequel!" as the only flaw of Super Smash Bros. Brawl., a game that I awarded a perfect score of 10.0. After years of waiting, my wish has been granted! I was very hyped for this game, but a little skeptical because HAL Laboratory was no longer the developer. Instead, those duties have been given to Sora and Namco Bandai. Sora is the developer of 3DS masterpiece Kid Icarus: Uprising, while Namco Bandai is behind the Tekken and SoulCaliber fighting series, as well as may other games both inside and out of the genre. Series creator Masahiro Sakurai is a member of Sora and is still the director, but who can't blame me for being a little nervous. Not surprisingly, the game ended up being incredible. The main modes of the Super Smash Bros. series are still present. Of course, you can still have a one-to-four player brawl, and customize the rules to your liking. Those who didn't think that four players was enough will be satisfied with the new limit of eight players! This can be accomplished by an owner of the Wii U version selecting the 8-Player Smash mode. One player can use the GamePad, up to four players use Wii Remotes, and you could even have eight 3DS users can link up to the Wii U mode. If eight players on one screen simultaneously isn't enough, than I don't know what is! Quite a few new characters are joining the brawl: Duck Hunt Dog (from Duck Hunt), Bowser Jr., the Koopalings, and Rosalina and Luma (from the Mario series), Robin and Lucina (from the Fire Emblem series), Palutena and Dark Pit (from the Kid Icarus series), Wii Fit Trainer (from the Wii Fit series), Shulk (from Xenoblade Chronicles), Greninja (from the Pokémon series), Little Mac (from the Punch Out series) and third-party characters Mega Man, Pac-Man, and Ryu from Street Fighter (who can be purchased as DLC. Returning from Super Smash Bros. Melee are Dr. Mario and Mewtwo, the latter of whom is available as DLC. Of course, there is a handful of new stages. The 3DS edition of the game includes stages based on Nintendo's handheld games that are not included in the other version. Some of the new battlegrounds are from 3DS titles, such as 3D Land (Super Mario 3D Land), Reset Bomb Fortress (Kid Icarus: Uprising), and Tomodachi Life (from the game of the same name). Exclusive to the 3DS version is the new Smash Run mode. In this mode, which can be played with three CPUs or with three friends over local wireless, you have five minutes to explore a large map and defeat enemies from nearly every franchise represented in Smash in order to acquire stat boosts. After your time is up, there will be an event that can be a free-for-all, a team battle, a race through an obstacle course, or something else. You're also able to choose what tracks from the game's vast library of music will play during the five minutes. I've become addicted to this mode, but it's a shame that it had to substitute the Adventure mode from the previous two games. The Subspace Emissary Adventure from Brawl was so good it could have been a great game on its own. Smash Run doesn't have as much depth and can get repetitive due to there being only one map, but it's still very fun. Another notable new feature is the ability to customize the abilities of any fighter. You can unlock new smash moves and substitute the default moves if you don't like them as much. Additionally, you can pick a set of powers to use in Smash Run. You are also able to apply stat-changing badges. Each badge increases a stat but in turn decreases another stat. Some badges also have special effects, like granting you a ray gun at the start of every battle. I like my fighters a little on the Bruiser (higher damage) side. In addition to being able to customize fighters, you are able to create your own Mii Fighter. When you create a Mii Fighter, you are able to choose from three classes: Brawler, who's attacks are primarily melee-based; Swordfighter, who combines sword attacks with some medium-ranged weapons; and Gunner, who's attacks are all projectile-based. You are able to unlock clothes for your fighter, some of it Nintendo-themed. If you think Toads from Mario are adorable (and who doesn't?), then it is possible to have a mushroom cap and look as adorable as a Toad... kinda. All of the single-player modes, including All-Star and Classic modes remain in the game. All-Star's concept of defeating every fighter in the game without dying remains untouched. Classic mode, in which you face a series of battles concluding with a duel with Master Hand, has been changed. Rather than completing a predetermined series of fights, you are able to choose your path. Additionally, you are now given two lives per fight rather than five to use throughout the entire series of skirmishes. Another change to classic mode is the 0.0-to-9.0 difficulty wagering scale that is heavily inspired by the Fiend's Cauldron from Kid Icarus: Uprising. You are now able to purchase Nintendo-themed trophies, using either in-game coins or Play Coins. Super Smash Bros. Brawl added online features. However, you were only able to do a free-for-all. You now have a lot more freedom. You are able to fight For Fun, in which you can battle with items and no stats are recorded; or For Glory, in which there are no items, stats are recorded, and you must play on the flat Final Destination-inspired Omega variants of stages. The online mode suffers from occasional lag, but not enough to be annoying. The main letdown of this game is that while there is a tremendous deal of content, one of the only major addition is a new mode, one which replaced a better mode, at that. It's also disappointing that this game features no animated intro like the last two titles. Equally disappointing is how much harder it is to play with pals. Sure, you can still have extremely fun four-player brawls with your friends, but they all need to bring a 3DS with a copy of the game-- no more pick up and play. My final quibble addresses the underwhelming 3D effects. The game looks smoother in 3D, but I was expecting my rival's faces to pop out when they were sent hurtling into the front of the screen by a Bob-Omb. The flaws keep this game from being perfect like Brawl, Super Smash Bros. is still an incredible game that any 3DS owner or Nintendo fan should add to their library, no questions asked.

Ups
Tons of new characters and stages
New Smash Run mode
Fighters can be customized with new moves and badges
Finally, Mii Fighters, and you can dress them up!
Trophies can be purchased
More diverse online options
It's Super Smash Bros. What do you expect?

Downs
No Adventure mode or animated intro
Occasional online lag
Lack of major additions
Less accessible local play
Underwhelming 3D effects

ESRB: E 10+ Content: Cartoon Violence, Comic Mischief, and Mild Suggestive Themes Price: $39.99 (Retail / Download)

Destiny Review

Destiny

Publisher: Activision Developer: Bungie Platform: Xbox 360 Players: MMO Release: 2014 Genre: First-Person Shooter / RPG Rating: 8.8 \ 10.0: Fantastic

Above is a Warlock unleashing a nova bomb, its Super Charged attack.

From the company behind the Halo franchise (up until Halo 4) comes another sci-fi shooter, which is an MMO, interestingly enough. The story begins in the present, when astronauts discover  an alien being on Mars. The discovery of this being is followed by the Golden Age, an era of peace, exploration, and technological advancement. During this period, humankind spreads throughout the Solar System and develops colonies on other planets. After several centuries, the humans are pursued by alien races that seek to extinguish the power that the aforementioned alien being, the Traveler possesses that is known only as Light.  These aliens drive humankind nearly to extinction. This power is wielded by a group known as the Guardians, who are now the human's only defense against the "Darkness" wielded by the aliens. Following the "Collapse", a group of Guardians are salvaged by the Traveler, and are gathered on Earth at a place known as the Tower. You assume the role of a long-deceased Guardian who has been revived by a Ghost. A Ghost is floating AI that much resembles Halo character 343 Guilty Spark in appearance, and is very similar to Cortana in its purpose. This and other elements from the Halo series are present in this game.

You must pick from one of three classes, each of which offer two subclasses. Your options are Titan, a bulky class that draws influence from Halo's Master Chief and Stormtroopers from Star Wars; Warlock, which uses attacks that resemble magic; and Hunter, which is based on "space cowboys", particularly Han Solo. Each class has an extremely powerful Super Charged attack that can be used after a meter gradually fills, which can be sped up by getting kills. This attack is used by pressing the left and right bumpers simultaneously. Each subclass also has its own melee attack and grenades. I prefer the Warlock class, because the scatter grenades and nova bomb Super Charged attack are very effective at clearing groups. That's just my opinion. After you complete the first mission, you are taken to the Tower, located in the last city on Earth. The Tower will serve as your hub for many things. You can purchase weapons, speak to the master Cryptarch decode engrams, accept bounties (side-quests and challenges), store gear, speak to the Vanguards, who are the highest-ranked of the Guardians, purchase new vehicles from the shipwright, and many other activities.

As you advance, the Vanguard of your class, the Gunsmith, and the Cryptarch will give you rewards. Weapons and armor can also be earned as a reward for completing an objective, a reward from completing a mission, or from opening a loots chest. There are hundreds of weapons and pieces of armor to obtain. You can hold three weapons at once: A Standard weapon, a Special weapon, and a Heavy weapon. Any equipment that is ranked Uncommon or rarer can be upgraded. You will also eventually obtain a vehicle that can be summoned anytime aboveground. You start off with a Sparrow, which looks and sounds just like a Landspeeder from Star Wars. The rewards yielded from leveling up usually are not that great, but it's very satisfying you get to higher levels and gain access to Legendary and Exotic gear. When I became level 20, I was thrilled to finally be able to use a Legendary machine gun that I had been holding onto for what seemed like forever, and was also rewarded with Legendary boots that had more defense points than my chest armor! There are three types of missions: Story missions, which progress the game's plot; Strikes, which are "boss raids" that must be played with the assistance of two fellow players and require Xbox Live Gold; and Patrols, which allow you to explore the world freely and complete small objectives as you go. Everywhere you go, you'll likely encounter other Destiny players, as this is an online game. It's not uncommon to stumble upon another player's battle, and enjoy helping out a player in need. By pressing the arrows on the controller's D-pad, you are able to dance, point, lie on the ground, and perform another action based on your class. If you're facing the direction of another player when you activate one of these emotes, it will be brought to their attention on their screen. Each of the game's three enemy factions are reminiscent of those in Halo. The Fallen are similar to the Covenant, the Hive are similar to the Flood, the Vex are similar to the Sentinels and Prometheans, and the Cabal are similar to Brutes and Jackals. If you don't really fancy completing missions, you can head down to the Crucible for some PvP action. The Crucible is enjoyable, but it's very unbalanced due to the fact that higher level players have extremely powerful weapons and armor and are often put in games with players they can easily dominate. The game's visuals are beautiful, and push the Xbox 360 to its graphical limits. Anyone seeking the most visually impressive version of Destiny will be satisfied with buying the game for any console, as the new-generations. versions bear no noticeable improvement over there previous-gen counterparts. Many of the game's muscial tracks are good, but the score is inferior to Martin O'Donnell's work with the Halo series, as this is one of his weaker performances, in my opinion. This will also likely be Marty's last soundtrack, as he has been terminated from Bungie's staff "without cause".

Destiny is another great sci-fi shooter from Bungie, and I certainly wasn't disappointed. How could I be unhappy with the spiritual successor to the better Halo games? This game is certainly not without flaws. My explanation of the plot makes it clear that the story is clichéd at parts, and much is left unexplained. Furthermore, the game updates too frequently, with the occasional compatibility packs taking hours to upload. The servers occasionally suffer connection issues, which possibly the largest annoyance. Do you know how frustrating it is to be told five times in a row that "Destiny has lost connection to your partner services", despite the fact that I have perfect Internet connection when playing online in other games? At that point, I just pop in one of Bungie's Halo games and hope tomorrow will go smoother. You'll meet plenty of people when playing the game on the 360, but there is no cross-system play, which limits your social experience. Those seeking to play with others will prefer to play on another system, as I can only assume that the Xbox 360 version has the least players. This is because not only do people prefer new-gen systems nowadays, but PlayStation owners get additional content, which I hate! The less players there are, the longer it takes to make matches. Those who love the game can download its first expansion, The Dark Below, for $20. Destiny isn't as good as Halo, but it still is incredible. It's oozing with potential, but it's got a few flaws that need fixing. Any Halo fan that misses Bungie's work on the series such as myself will be satisfied.

Ups
Tons of gear to unlock
Awesome Super Charged moves
Satisfying progression
Various mission types
Lots of Halo influences
Social features

Downs
Clichéd and partly unexplained story
Updates are too frequent
Occasional server connectivity issues
Xbox 360 version has least players
PlayStation versions have more content.

ESRB: T Content: Animated Blood and Violence Price: $59.99 (Retail)

VVVVVV Review

VVVVVV

Publisher: Terry Cavanagh Developer: Terry Cavanagh Platform: iOS Players: 1 Release:

2014 Genre: 2D Platformer / Puzzle Rating: 9.0 \ 10.0: Excellent

Above is the room V-Stitch that, despite easy to complete, is rather spikey.

This game is a mobile partly remade port of indie developer Terry Cavanagh's 2010 brutally difficult puzzle-platformer VVVVVV. The game casts you as Captain Viridian, whom after a sudden "dimensional interference", is separated from the members of his or her crew who are now scattered throughout a trap-filled space station (I wrote "his or her" because Viridian's gender is never specified, though many players believe that Viridian is male). It's up to Viridian to rescue each of his five crewmates, all of whose names start with a V (Six Vs!). The gameplay is simple-- you can't jump, but you instead tap the right side of the screen to reverse gravity. How Viridian can do this I do not know. His / her inability to jump is most likely due to his / her lack of knees. As I said before, this is a pretty tough game, as every hazard will kill Viridian with a single touch. The game does have checkpoints, represented by a C. This leads to some creative and fun gameplay. Each of the game's several stages introduces a new concept that spices the gameplay up and adds more challenge. Every room has a different name, many of which are humorous. For example, one room is titled "I Love You". Deadly hearts fly across the screen in this room. The following room is called "That's Why I Have to Kill You", in which you must avoid a greater number of broken hearts. The game's dialogue garners chuckles as well. Doctor Violet even states that she has a crush on Chief Verdigris, and is unaware that he has feelings towards her as well. VVVVVV may be challenging, but I was hardly ever frustrated. Despite the difficulty, the adventure is a rather short one. It took me about three-and-a-half hours to complete the game, and I died over 1,400 times. Even so, perfectionists will have a tough time collecting the 20 hidden shiny trinkets. A small quibble of mine is that the touchscreen controls can be a little slippery, causing me some undeserved deaths. This is the only thing that ever caused me frustration. Additionally more modes to enjoy. There's Flip Mode, which flips every playable part of the game upside down; there's Intermissions, in which you are able to play any of the segments where you escort a crewmate back to the ship; eventually No Death Mode will be unlocked-- Die and it's game over; You can also play the very challenging minigame Super Gravitron via the Secret lab mode. You are also able to play a handful of user-generated levels. This game, like many indies in modern days, has retro-style graphics. Many of those games don't look much like one from the 1980s or 1990s but VVVVVV nails the appearance of an '80s PC game, which give it tons of charm. The chiptune soundtrack by Magnus "Souleye" Palsson is incredibly catchy and one of the best I have ever heard. If you are at all into chiptune music, please do yourself a favor and download the track "Pushing Onwards" from the game's soundtrack album PPPPPP (or the whole album, better yet). VVVVVV is an amazing game that manages to entertain and challenge with little frustration.

Ups
Fun and creative gameplay
Lots of humor
Additional modes
Charming retro graphics
Incredible chiptune soundtrack

Downs
Frustrating on rare occasions
Slightly slippery controls
Short game

ESRB: E 10+ Content: Fantasy Violence Price: $2.99 (Download)

Super Mario World Review

Super Mario World

Publisher: Nintendo Developer: Nintendo Platform: Super Nintendo Entertainment System Players: 1-2 Release: 1991 Genre: 2D Platformer Rating: 8.6 \ 10.0: Fantastic

Above is Mario riding Yoshi.

Back in 1991, Nintendo released their 16-bit system, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, better known as the Super Nintendo or SNES. The console launched alongside Super Mario World, Mario's first 16-bit adventure. Here's the story: Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach go on a vacation to Dinosaur Land, where Bowser kidnaps Peach, and you must save her. In order to get to Bowser's fortress and save the princess, Mario must first storm the castles of Bowser's children, the Koopalings. The most notable new feature of this game is Yoshi, Mario's lovable dinosaur steed. Mario's dino pal couldn't yet perform his famous flutter jump, but still proves very useful with his ability to eat enemies and walk on hazards, the latter feature of which is exclusive to this game. Mario games have always had secrets, but Super Mario World was the game in the franchise to include secret stages, which are abundant here. Perfectionists will have a tough time discovering the many secret exits of levels and unlocking all the stages of the hidden world. Among the new enemies are new colors of Koopas. Each Koopa shell color has a different effect when consumed by Yoshi. Green shells can simply be spit out to plow through enemies; red shells allow Yoshi to spew out a small cluster of fireballs; golden shells cause a tremor that defeats nearby enemies when Yoshi touches the ground; blue shells cause Yoshi to sprout wings, granting him temporary flight. The game's world map has been improved, and the visuals are still charming. Additionally, you can hold a backup power-up, which will be dropped when you take damage. However, while the game's main theme is catchy, it is remixed and reused in many of the stages, making the soundtrack slightly repetive. Furthermore, the game can be too difficult at certain times, especially when you are required to find the secret exit in a ghost house stage. Oh, how I, and the entire Mario fan base dread those ghost houses! They're so annoying that I consider it a flaw that this title introduces those stages to the series! Despite these minor flaws, Super Mario World is 16-bit classic that should be given a try by all fans of Mario and platforming.

Ups
Yoshi. Enough said
Secret stages
Various Koopa shell powers
Improved world map
Visuals still are charming
Backup power-up

Downs
Catchy but repetitive soundtrack
Too difficult at times
Ghost houses, GAAAH!!!

ESRB: E Content: Mild Cartoon Violence Price: $7.99 (Download)